Another year has concluded and another year of my life has begun. I had dreams and expectations of what that would look like and yet again they were not met. This was supposed to be the redo from my 30th. My 30th was awful. My friend bailed last minute and I honestly don’t even remember why at this point. We had even talked about how much we wanted to make sure that other people didn’t have crappy birthdays because we had both experienced it and yet she cancelled.
So what did I do? I had already taken the day off of work because I really don’t like to work on my birthday. I did the most mature thing of course. I got caught up in my feelings because my plans fell through and instead of trying to figure something else out I sulked in my house by myself. I didn’t look at my phone, didn’t do anything but cry and feel sorry for myself. I was sad because the guy that I was still hung up on at that time had forgotten my birthday and I was a miserable mess for no reason other than my own doing.
I had made up my mind that this year was going to be different. I have come a long way since a year ago. I’m not so hung up on that same guy, I’m in my own place, I know who my real friends are and I thought this was going to be the chance for me to redo last year. I even made plans to go to the same place. Washington, D.C. is my favorite place to visit so I planned to meet my friend there and catch up with an old roommate. Nothing too crazy but wanted to do something special.
It didn’t happen….of course. I found out a couple days before my birthday that my friend had ended up in the hospital and wasn’t going to be able to make it. Thankfully she is okay and is recovering from what put her there. I got in my feelings. The people again, who I thought would have acknowledged my birthday didn’t. I had expectations of people that were not met. But then I had a friend, one of my dearest friends, who made me feel special. She said I know what it’s like to have a bad birthday. She took me to the movies and dinner and we hung out for most of the day. This made me feel like I actually mattered and was important. It was a low key birthday but was absolutely wonderful.
Time is a huge love language of mine. If I know that you are making time for me, then I feel valued. If you aren’t willing to make time for me, then I don’t feel like I matter. And it doesn’t matter how much time you make for me, as long as you make some kind of time. It doesn’t have to be anything over the top or fancy. I enjoy the simple things. And that’s what I got to do for my birthday.
I do think that birthdays are now overrated and I don’t have much of an expectation for next year. Plus next year will just be an ambiguous number, nothing important or special. I’ll just feel like I’m getting old. I still want other people to feel special on their day and will do what I can to acknowledge them and make sure that they feel special, even if they don’t do the same for me.
The Lord made me feel special that day in so many simple ways, from letting me have a lazy morning to going to the movies, spending time with my dear friend, seeing a rainbow, realizing that the my registration for my car hadn’t expired (this was a huge moment!), and so much more. While this birthday wasn’t what I had planned or expected, it was what I needed and what I loved. I’m excited for what’s in store for the next year, as I know the Lord is getting ready to do so much more.
May you all have wonderful birthdays where you feel loved and valued!