ugh…no one likes to admit when they fail but I failed. I failed to listen. I failed and let my emotions and insecurities get the best of me. And now I will just have to trust. Previous relationships with people cause us to have trust issues and insecurities and overract and jump when we should wait.
I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. And in some ways maybe it was. I know that I need to chill. I know that I need to trust the Lord and just go. Thankfully I think I’m at a point where I am starting to get it.
I had flashbacks to previous hurts and pains and overreacted. But now I know. And I’m going to learn from this and not make the same mistake again hopefully. It’s a process learning about ourselves. Loving ourselves. Loving others. I’m horrible at it. I’m trying but I know I’ll fail again. It comes from a good place. Thankfully that is understood.
Bare with me as I learn. Bare with me as I navigate through life. I’m experiencing a lot of shifts and changes and eye opening experiences. I don’t want to give up and I don’t want to give up.
I have gone down the other road before. I will not make that mistake again. I am better than that. I deserve better than that. There is more to my life than that. I do not need someone to fulfill me. I need God and I need to serve him and love him and follow him.
I do not understand this journey that I am on. I do not understand his timing. But I will do my best to follow him. My timing may seem off and my delivery may fail. I rest in he fact that the Lord has it all figured out and that he loves me. That is all that I need.
I am becoming secure in who I am in him. I still fall and fail and make blunders. I still have my insecurities and hurts that I need to work through. Which those of you who read this will probably get to learn about. But I will work through them. I will learn to understand love more fully.
This is the start of the next season. The season where I take my next leap of faith out into deep waters, where I can’t stand on my own. Where the Lord is taking me I don’t know but I am excited for the journey in store. I’m excited for the people that I will meet, the places that I will go, and the things that I will learn. I will not lead a boring life.
I know that the Lord will use me in spite of failures, fumbles, and blunders. I can praise Him for that simple fact alone. Why does the God of all love me and trust me with what he does? What is he going to trust me with next? I know it’s greater than anything that I could ever imagine.
Stayed tuned for what is next. Thank you to listening to my blunders and short comings. Thank you for baring with me through the growing pains. Praise the Lord that we are learning together and experiencing life together.
God bless you all! Have a wonderful night!