My heart yearns to know and love my God so much more. My heart and my soul are full in that I know him and I’m growing in him. He is my life and he is sustaining me. He is giving me unbelievable strength. He has been so merciful and loving toward me. I praise him and thank him for all that he is doing and all that he has yet to do. My life has been forever changed because of him.
Because of him I can look in the mirror and be happy with myself. Inspight of what I’ve done and past decisions that I have made, I know that he has forgiven me. And I have finally forgiven myself. I will not hold on to my past decisions. All I can continue to do is move forward. I thank him for wiping my slate clean and calling me for a purpose.
I thank him for my assignment and where he is taking me. I know that I have bigger and crazier things in store. I know that I am not alone in all of this. I know that I will have him by my side and my man by my side. I have every confidence in my God. He is a might man and he will not withhold any promise that he has made to his children. It may take some time to get there. But I will get it.
Even over the past few days so much has changed in my soul and my heart. It’s my turnaround for real. I’m going higher and I’m not stopping. I’m not getting off the floor early and I am having to leave people that I love behind. But I’m running to my God. I know that he has a reason and a purpose for all of this.
I am happy with who I am and who I am becoming.
With that I know that there is something that is not right. I am not with the man that I love. The man that the Lord blessed me with and brought into my life. I was not ready when I met him last year. I was still lost and growing.
It took me time to see him. And for that I am sorry to have done that to him. However, he is the love of my life. I have never loved anyone before him. I am not wavering in fighting for him and for us. I will not back down. This is real love. I would do anything for him. I would take a bullet for him. I would die for him. I will defend him til the end. I will stand up for him and support him and love everything about him.
He too makes my heart and soul happy. We fit so perfectly together and are so connected and I fell for him an instant. And I continue to fall further and further in love with him every single day. I feel more and more connected to him every day.
I know that I have let him down and have not made him feel like he is the most important person. But he is to me. I love every single bit of him that I know and I want to know the rest of him and who he is. I know that I will love him even more.
The thing is we show love differently in some ways. In some ways we are so different and in some ways we are so similar. I am working to show him love how he loves.
However, I can’t make him accept my love. He has to choose to accept my love. We don’t necessarily choose who we fall in love with. But we choose to continue to love them and fight for them and put them ahead of ourselves. We choose to love ourselves and choose who gets to love us.
We have to love ourselves and be happy with ourselves before we can let others truly love us. We give pieces of ourselves. We have both given huge pieces of ourselves but not everything. We were both still keeping walls up. Protecting ourselves and the dark places. I’m ready for a 100%. I am ready to be completely vulnerable.
I will show you the best way that I can that this is real love. This is not the easy road. This is not the simple choice. We didn’t start off in a fairy tale way. But that’s not the story that I want. I want our story together. Going to through hard times. Learning things together. I want us challenging each other and pushing each other. I want to more about what it means to love someone.
I want to learn more about trusting God and growing in God with you. I wand to learn about life with you. I want to learn about you. These are the things that I want. That I will pursue.
The easy thing would be for me to run away because things got hard. I could move. I could change jobs. I could change churches. But I will not. The Lord has called me to this place for this time. There is a reason for this and a purpose for this.
I hope that you are learning that this is what you want to. That this is real love. That we can make it through the hard times together. That we can trust one another. That we can rely on one another.
I want the world to know that I am in love. That I am not going anywhere. Even though he pushes me away and even though God could easily have a different plan.
I am not going anyway. I will continue to love you and be a cheerleader and supporter of you. You are a wonderfully, smart, and talented me. No one will ever compare to you in my eyes. No one ever.
Ugh I just want to tell you that. I get scared every time to tell you though. I know that I will get to tell you the next time that we speak. I know that I will get to bare my heart and soul to you, like I’ve been trying to. I know that we will both be ready for that conversation and that moment. I know that my God is watching over us and is protecting us.
I know this not how we thought this journey was going to go. But I told you that I was along for the ride. However it was going to go. I was strapping in. I’m not getting over this ride. This is not my floor on the elevator. There is more to this story. This is a chapter in our book. The book that we will write. The story that we will share. The one that will help other people.
Oh the things that we can do together. Yes the things that we will do individually will be great but the things that the Lord has for the two of us together. He is going to blow our socks off. He’s blowing my socks off already.
I am so proud of you and who you are and the things that you are pushing through and how you are handling things. I don’t know that I would’ve been able to handle it. But people say that with me.
This is not a typical love story but it is our love story. It is such a real and raw thing. Though you need to focus on yourself at the moment. I am going to keep fighting for this love and for us. I believe in us and what the Lord is doing through us and in us. And I believe that he has greatness planned.
Know that this is real love and that it is the best thing ever. Keep fighting the good fight B. I’m going to keep fighting the good fight and I will not get distracted. I am focused on my assignment and what I’m needing to do this season. This season is going to be a quick one. This is the final bit in the turnaround. Big changes are coming. I am excited and strapped in for the ride.
Keep fighting for what you believe in guys. Don’t doubt the Lord’s promises or his timing.