remember that once it’s out there it’s out there. Sometimes we post things on blogs or Facebook or Twitter because it’s easier. We take the easy way out because as much as we are frustrated or angry we don’t always want to say it directly to the person. We fear what may happen when we are open and honest with a person so we skirt around the truth with them. We avoid them, ignore them, block them, don’t respond to them. We take the easy way. Instead of talking through it or working through it. I guess maybe that’s us deciding who we think is worth it in the end and it doesn’t always match up. One person usually ends up caring more than the other. I wonder why that is? Maybe it is easier. It’s easier to run away and pretend the last year didn’t happen. It’s easier to say I tried and it didn’t work and pretend that we know the other person. But we can’t do it in our own strength. We can honestly only do it in Gods strength. I write this as I am fighting for my life for someone who’s basically already written me off and thought of me as crazy and not listening. But that’s not true. He doesn’t hear what I say right now and I realize that I am doing the very thing that I said he was doing. I guess because I feel that I have no other option. I guess I hope he will read this somehow and he will change his mind. I know he loves me. I know he tried in his strength to do this and make it work. I tried in my own strength too. Now I’m trying in God’s strength and I know the Lord’s timing is perfect and that all of this is happening for a reason. But I’ll tell you it’s the toughest thing. My strength is not enough. I am so broken and every social media post cuts me to the core and I wonder what I’ve done. I know by no stretch of the mind that I am perfect. I am flawed but he loved me at one point with those flaws. Now I feel as though he truly hates me. But I know the promises the Lord has made to me and what I’ve learned through all of this. I will keep pursuing my God and resting in him and gaining my strength from him. I will not let knee jerk reactions and hurts define me. I will not let distractions get in my way from what I’ve been called to do. My god has not let me down yet so I will keep fighting.

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