So it’s been a little bit since I’ve written on here. Actually since I’ve taken a break from all forms of social media. It was for my own protection and so that I wouldn’t say something that I would later regret. I do not want to an impulsive person but take the time with my words. Words are very powerful.
With that being said, I think it’s time to finally make this blog what it was intended to be. I had to really reflect on a lot of things recently. In it I have learned a lot and realized that I have so much more yet to learn. And that this is just the beginning of some serious craziness in my adventure of life.
First, general overview of things. God has brought me out…yet again. He has won again. I laugh in the face of the devil. He won’t get me back this time. I am going to live. Now I may not seem to be living by the world’s standards but I am living by God’s standards. My goal is to be in his will and do what he has called me to do. The Lord has protected me and will continue to protect me. What I thought was going to destroy me has turned into a wonderful blessing. God has used this suffering in such a mighty way. And I do not want sympathy for it. He could have ended it sooner and could have made the situation different but it would not have had the same effect that this has had.
I am truly and finally happy with myself. I have realized that I have had seasons of depression that I was in denial about and couldn’t acknowledge. I’ve only recently told people that I have ever been depressed. With that said, I do believe that will be no more. I have a joy and peace and comfort in the Lord. And honestly the depression ended over a year and a half ago, when I really started chasing after the Lord and listening to him again. In this year and a half what should have pushed me to the edge again has not. This is only by the grace of God.
He has changed my heart, he has answered my prayers, and honestly blow my mind every day. When people ask me what he is doing in my life, I don’t even know where to start. Even with the tough love, I feel him and know that he is only trying to take care of me and bring me closer to him.
I have wanted to run this time, over and over. But he will not let me go. This time it is different. It’s my turnaround. Now I know that I have started to share some things in the earlier posts. And I am going to continue to share things. This one is vague. But I will address things in more detail. I just wanted and overview of how great and faithful the Lord is. He is the true love of my life. The closer I get to him the more confident I am in what he is calling me to do and who he is calling me to be. Though with that, I have learned that it’s not always going to occur how I expect it or think it should go.
But I am going to keep running forward and keep trusting him. There is too much at stake. It’s not just for me. It’s for others, it’s for souls. God is up to something and there is a reason why all of this has happened. There is a reason why I have felt so uncomfortable with where I am at. Things are overflowing and I am in love with Jesus and he loves me. He is my daddy and my love and will take care of me and protect me.
I did not become a statistic of so many things. I did not commit suicide, I did not become a teenage mother, I did not get a disease, I did not end up with a bum of a man, I did not end up on food stamps, I did not have a child with a man who I will not spend forever with, I do not have to work multiple jobs, I did not completely fall away from God. He took me back with open arms and sheltered me from all the things that could and should’ve happened to me.
I should not be where I am now. I should not have the job that I have now. I should not have the apartment that I have now. I should not have a car. I should not have all the worldly things that I have now. But the Lord has blessed me. Even in my unfaithfulness, he uses it. He took care of me, takes care of me. He is a good, good father and I am forever grateful.
I will praise him forever, for all that he has done. I will do what he asks of me. I will go where he goes and stay where he stays. I will remain open to how he is going to talk to me and move. I will do my best. I may fail and this is going to be hard. It’s already been hard. But it is so worth it. He will forgive me. Jesus died for me before I was ever born. He loved me in spite of me. I am forever and always indebted and eternally grateful.
Get ready to see how he is moving!!! Let’s do this life thing. 🙂 I’m holding fast to his promises and will always stand in need of his grace and mercy. I hope you are just as excited as me.
Have a wonderful night!!!!