sometimes even though we know there is a plan and we trust God we have to break down. We have to feel. We have to hurt. The pain is valid and is real. You don’t magically just get over someone or something. Sometimes we just need to be held and loved and valued. Sometimes we need someone to listen. Not someone to fix us or tell us what to do but to just be there because we want to give up. You never know what someone is battling or what they have been through. As much as I am okay and I have hope and faith. It hurts. It is killing me slowly. This pain that I am experiencing. This heartache. Something that was once so beautiful has turned so ugly and painful. I need to break down. I need to feel. I need to go through the feelings and the process. I need a day to not be okay. I need a day to scream and yell and cry and fall apart. I need a day to throw things or break things and fail at being happy and joyful. I can’t help but praise the Lord through this and love him through this and feel him in this. Everytime I fall apart it’s only for a moment. He brings me out of it. He won’t let me dwell. He keeps fighting for me. So I will keep fighting for him and fighting for joy in this pain. This pain that I’ve never experienced before and hope I never have to experience again. But I will keep my joy in the pain. God gives me the strength. He is giving me strength each day. Each time when I want to go to the deepest darkest recesses of my mind and be depressed, he keeps me from there and carries me out. He shelters me under his wings and holds me when no one else can or will. All I need is him. I need nothing else. He will bring me through this. 

~Lynn

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