So obviously by the title of this…one would think that I was about to go on blast about someone. Not my style plus I don’t actually hate anything about the person. More so the situation leads me to hate myself and hate the devil and hate the situation.
However, I know that the Lord allowed the situation. He knew what was going to happen and he has been with me the whole time. He has been with me through everything. He is the only constant in my life. He is the only true love in my life.
I hate that the devil is trying to destroy and break and beat me up. However, God is my strength and my shield. He will protect me as he has done so many times before. He will cover me and bring me through. The winter will not last forever.
I will laugh at the devil because what he has meant to destroy me has not broken me. Only by the grace of God. I should be depressed…I should be dead….I should be unable to get out of bed. I should be so broken and beaten up but I am not. I have a hope and a faith. And I will live. It will be different this time.
I do matter….I am worth it….I am loved. My God does not hate me….He does not wish that I never came into being….He loves me…He wants me….He has great plans for me…He protects me…He guides me….He supports me…He knows me…He chose me when I was at my worst….He chose me when I chose not to believe in him. He chose me and loved me when I chose everything else and wanted nothing to do with him.
He brought me out of the pit. He saved my life. So no there are no 10 things that I hate about you. There are no 10 things that I hate about who I am in Christ. There are plenty of things that I hate about my flesh.
There are choices that I have made that I must live with but God brought me out of them. God has cleansed me and made me new. He has changed my heart and taken my old desires away from me. Things that once satisfied me do not.
Having the man I love would not satisfy me. Only my God can satisfy me. He fills me up. He holds me and comforts me and grants me peace when I am all alone. He knows all of me….and I mean all of me and still wants me and believes in me.
He doesn’t need me but he still wants me. He has always wanted me. There is no greater love than that. I say that I love this man in spite of everything and I do. I have no hate toward him at all. But would I have chosen him before I met him? Would I have loved him going into this…if I knew this was how it was going to go? Would I have taken the chance knowing all the heartache and pain and suffering? The beatings and the bruises (emotionally) that I would acquire? Honestly, the human side of me says no.
But now I get glimpse of what the Lord must go through daily with us. How he watches us chose everything but him. How we runaway from him…how we attack him and say hurtful things to him. How we chose to stop believing. How we don’t accept his love. How we don’t trust him or listen to him or hear him or see him. How we avoid him.
I hate that that is how I have been to my Father in heaven. I hate that I have not chosen him so many times and fallen to my flesh. Thankfully he doesn’t ever shut me out or block me or stop taking my calls or stop responding to my texts or delete me as a friend like we all do when people make us mad and hurt us. He loved me when I was at my worst. He knew what I was going to do and still Jesus died on the cross. The blood washed me clean.
He knows the decisions I have made and the mistakes that I have made but HE STILL LOVES ME! He will provide for me and take care of me and is blessing me all the time. He doesn’t have to but he does. I will let him down again. I fail every day….every single day. My flesh gets in the way. But he still loves me in spite of that.
It doesn’t matter how many times I do him wrong. He is never unwilling to listen to me. He always has time for me. He will always want me. He blows my mind with that simple fact. Though he is often my second, third, tenth choice, he always has time for me.
He doesn’t hate me…even in the times when I hate myself and I doubt myself. He loves me. He doesn’t regret me. He wants to draw me in and love me more.
There are no ten things I hate about you or anybody. There is no place for hate in this world. I am not an idiot and I am not stupid. I may push to hard and probably fail to listen at times. I may let everyone down and I may fumble sometimes. But thankfully the Lord in heaven loves me and sees how in him, my heart has changed.
All the ugliness and miserableness that is me is my sinful self and I wish I could completely run away from that. All the good things are of God. He has done a mighty work in me.
I will not be destroyed…I will not be depressed….I will not give up…I will not lay down. I will fight….I will live…I will pray….I will trust…I will obey…and I will love my savior Jesus.
Words cut like daggers and can destroy. Tongues are sharp as knives. They can crush a spirit. But they can build, encourage, lift up, and love.
Please don’t hate…there’s already too much hate in the world. Be open to love in every shape it may take. Believe that people love you. Let them love you. Let them take care of you. Trust that just maybe God has put them in your life for a reason.
Be hungry for the Lord’s love because he is the only thing that will truly satisfy you. He’ll help steer you away from hate. He’ll help give you love for people, patience for people, compassion, mercy, and grace.
There’s no ten things I hate about you.