I want to share that I was finally able to look in the mirror this past weekend and really see myself and truly see my worth in Christ. I have honestly always put all the power in the people around me. Whether it was family, friends, guys, whoever. I gave them the power to make me feel beautiful.
I do not need someone else to tell me that I am beautiful or valued or wanted. Because honestly the one human being who I want to tell me that, can’t. In fact, I have pushed him so far as to hate me. Thankfully I can never push my God to hate me or not see my worth.
What I thought was going to destroy me and break me has honestly only brought me closer to God and shown me my purpose and value in him. I am trading all my burdens in. I am laying every single scar, bump, bruise and ouchie down at the cross. I am going to see my beauty. The same way that I looked at this man and saw beauty in every single inch of him. Even in his hurts and pains. I can now see the beauty in myself.
I was always able to see worth and value in others. And I thank God for giving me a soft heart for other people. I am glad that I no longer have an ice cold heart that I had started to be comfortable with. But I thank him for in this trial that he has softened my heart and my eyes to myself.
So what I made mistakes and made choices. Christ died for me. I am covered and washed by his blood. I do not have to dwell in the past. I do not have to be that person anymore. I am not that person anymore. I do not need to stop eating, I do not need to starve myself and punish myself. I can stop beating myself up. I can let it go. He has redeemed me. I am forgiven.
It’s wonderful to finally see myself. Really see myself. I know that I will still have people who do not like me and do not see my worth. But I am not after their approval. I am seeking the approval of my father in heaven. I find worth and value in him. I find my peace and my happiness in him.
This man told me to find my happiness. I realized I have always had my happiness. It’s been in the Lord. He supplies all that I need. I need nothing more. My God chose me in spite of all the choices I would make along the way. He has been patient with me when I personally would’ve given up on myself. I did almost completely give up on myself. Because I couldn’t see what he saw.
Thankfully he rescued me from that. He is giving me my dreams back and showing me that he has bigger plans for me. I will not let the bullies and the giants of this world get in my way. They may continue to fight me and knock me down but my God is with me and will fight. He will pick me back up. He will help me to achieve my dreams.
So I am trading my ashes in for beauty and I will wear forgiveness like a crown. I am a daughter of the mighty king. He loves me and wants me. He has great plans for me. He has great plans for all of us. He wants us to see ourselves as he sees us. I just want to help people to see that.
We can have such freedom and peace and comfort in him. Nothing can hold us back. Nothing is too impossible with him. I feel alive for the first time in a really long time. I feel more alive each day. I am literally holding nothing back anymore. It is all in God’s hands and I am following him.
October has truly been my turnaround. It is time to run hard after the dreams and passions that he has placed in me. My chains and bondage are gone. I am not bound to my past decisions and mistakes. They are part of my testimony and have brought me to where I am. But I do not have to let them destroy me. Praise the Lord for that!
I hope you all get to see yourself in the mirror. I hope you get to see your beauty and be amazed at how the Lord created you. I hope you get to see that he loves you and has a purpose for you.
Have a blessed day!