Tired and worn out. Wishing I could sleep forever again. Escape and stay in dream land. Dream land isn’t much better though. Everything is still running through my mind. It’s not much of an escape. Runaway maybe? No…
Wake up….just wake up. Not think about the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. Stop chasing and feeling like I am making meaningless gestures. Stop feeling worthless and unwanted each morning. Realize I am awake and alive and have another day to live….to love…to grow…to help…to teach…to encourage…to make a difference.
I want to wake up happy and ready to take on the day. I don’t want to have to convince myself that I will be okay and that it will be okay.
I wish you could all watch this episode of Boy Meets World and hear how Corey is talking about Topenga. This would really explain how I feel. That I am sorry but that I don’t ever want to give up. Everyone says move on…everyone says you deserve better. He says he needs space….He says he hates me…he says he wishes he had never met me. But I am a romantic…a brokenhearted romantic who can’t get over someone.
Loving someone is supposed to make it all work out perfectly right? Clearly it’s not that simple……
How is a girl supposed to feel? I know I have every right to hurt and have these feelings. But I am tired of the negative feelings. I don’t want to be sad. I don’t want to feel. I don’t want to care so much. I do don’t want to hope so much. I don’t want to keep believing. I am tired of all of this. I am tired of this consuming me when it’s the last thing on his mind.
I’m tired of it destroying me and breaking me and killing me. I want to wake up happy ready to take on the world and ready for what it will throw at me. I want to be excited to talk to God and not feel like I have to beg him to change my heart and my attitude.
I want to write about other things that really matter. Because honestly I have learned my worth and I want other women to know their worth and not let a man control how they feel. I want to make a difference and encourage.
I will wake up and I will be okay. I am alive….I have great friends….a family that loves me…an awesome church….a great job that I love….a car….a wonderful apartment…a sweet kittie….I have so much to be thankful for.
Most of all I have my God and I have him on my side. Heartbreak is not the worst thing in the world. There are so many other things that could be going wrong that are not. I will not keep waking up and keep dwelling on what I don’t have and what should’ve been. I will focus on what is and the possibilities that the Lord has in store for me.
I will keep fighting for my life. I will keep fighting for his life. I will keep fighting for the kingdom. I will keep pressing forward. I will not hang my head in shame. I will not live in my bed and I will not shut down. I will wake up and carry on.
I have people in my corner. I have God in my corner.
Whatever it may be that you are dealing with…know that God is in your corner. Count your blessings and think about all the things that you do have. Make up your mind to wake up and not dwell on the past but look forward to the possibility of today. What doors is God going to open for you today? Where will he take you today? What will he allow you to do? Who will he allow you to meet? Where will he allow you to go? Oh the possibilities in store
Be excited for the adventure that will be today. Let the Lord use you and grow you and wake you up. 🙂
Wake up my friends!