So these are all the ways that I am feeling right now:
Roller coaster (the kind with lots of hills, loops, and barrel rolls)
Human punching bag
Dirty rag tossed on the floor
Like I have been hit by a truck
Like someone stood on my chest and crushed me
A heart that has been shredded and torn
Trash that’s been tossed to the curb
Food left on the back burner
Like I have no value or worth
I am crushed and broken and destroyed right now
And I feel like there is literally nothing, absolutely nothing I can do.
I cry and cry and beg and plead…yet I feel like it does nothing
I’m losing hope and faith
I feel like it was all a lie
Where I was once feeling like I was finding myself, I feel like I am now losing myself
I have nothing left inside me and I don’t see how I’ll ever matter
I had a panic attack…again…it’s not the first time and probably won’t be the last
I’ve become such an anxious person, even after moments where I have found such indescribable peace
Maybe I just have to get used to only being partly okay….man how it’s all changed. You would’ve talked to me yesterday, I would’ve been singing a different tune. My sky has become dark and gray. It’s turned into a week from HELL.
I feel like I have no one to talk to. No one who will truly understand. I don’t want to expose that part of me either. It’s the unpleasant part that people won’t like. No one will accept this part of me. So I’ll just hide behind this screen and pretend like everything is okay when all I want to do is scream and cry….yelling WHY?!!!