It is now the third time that I am going to change my degree. I did not think that I was going to do this for a third time. You would think that with my Master’s degree, I would now what I would get it in. The problem is, I work for a university so I took it for granted that I could have a free education. Honestly, I started my MED:School Counseling first just because it was free education.
I felt like it was a waste not to utilize the benefit. I mean who gets to to have school paid for? I certainly didn’t get that in my undergrad. I have thousands of dollars in student loans to prove that. But I decided if, I was going to get a graduate degree, I would get it for free. I can’t afford to acquire more debt. I want to pay off that debt. I want to pay it off quickly and not grow it.
So I started this school counseling program, only to realize a few classes in that this was not for me. Now there wasn’t really anything else that I wanted to pursue until they decided to offer a MED: Teaching and Learning – History. I love history and was so excited to take history classes. I quickly changed my degree and signed up for history classes, as opposed to the education classes.
Let me tell you these history classes are no joke. People assume that going online is easy and that shortened classes are less time consuming. That is a lie. The history department treated these classes like they were still residential. You try and cram content that is normally in 16 weeks into 8 weeks. See how much you retain and how much of a life you have. Wow!
I will say that that the classes did challenge me and I did learn things. I got to connect with people from across the country, which was awesome and I got to make video discussion boards. That was an experience, learning how to make videos to post. I’m not a technological savvy person. Technology generally hates me, if I’m honest. But it was such a cool thing to learn how to do.
I’m not going to lie though, last year about this time, I got burnt out, even on the history classes. Part of it had to do with the fact that I was distracted by things going on in my personal life and that I was trying to save a relationship that I deeply cared about. So I finished a class on political parties and called it quits for the Summer. I thought I was honestly just going to take the summer off.
And then I got comfortable with having the time off. I found out there was history degree at the graduate level. I put through the degree change and then found out there were a lot of admissions requirements and it would mean more classes. I got discouraged as it meant a research paper and taking the GRE. I hate standardized tests and well it’s been a while since I had been in undergrad and really taken a standardized test either.
More things ensued with work, as I transitioned into a new role and then whatever was left of my relationship with this man, crumbled. I emotionally couldn’t focus and didn’t have the time or energy to focus on class.
It was a quiet season that I was in. My excuse for no longer doing things was not school but then it became work. Then I just didn’t want to deal with things. I buried myself in being alone and shutting myself out from people and life. The Lord thankfully used it. Some of it was him. Some of it was my own self letting anxiety and depression get in the way. Plus heartbreak and heartache really sucks to deal with. We all have our own ways of dealing with it things. But more on that another time.
I was honestly ready to take on classes again in the second half of the Fall semester, this past year. I had signed up for the class and started it. I was getting ready to do a video discussion board and was driving home from a Bible study, when clear as day the Lord said no. I was so mad and angry and confused. I didn’t understand. I was like no it’s time. I’m so close. I can be done by next summer or within the next year. And he told me no.
Praise the Lord he told me no. I didn’t understand it then and I don’t understand it now but I didn’t take class. I didn’t sign up for class this Spring either. Little did I know at the time, he was getting ready to rock my world.
In the next couple months, he would change my job position at work, allow me to get into a year long mentorship program, show me that the education degree was not the right one, and cause my life to get so busy (in a good way) that I would be devoting my time to his people and his presence rather than a degree and class that were not meant for me.
During that time, the requirements for admission into the MA: History changed, in my favor! I didn’t have to submit a research paper. I don’t have to take the GRE. And it’s going to open the doors to the next phase. It’s going to prepare me for where I am going and is entirely what I love. It’s not just part of what I love.
What I have learned is that I am going to get to teach, just now how I originally thought. I get to take classes about what I love. I get to learn about things that I enjoy. The Lord keeps reminding me not to settle for good but to keep going after him and he will give me greater.
He is showing me his plan, one step at a time and blessing me as I keep taking each step. He knows I do not understand it most of the time. But he has not let me down yet and he keeps showing me faithful. He has allowed me to teach, which is something that I love. He allows me to do it everyday with the team of people that I work with. It’s just not teaching in a classroom sense.
He is going to allow me to get a degree in the subject that I love and am passionate about. It will give me the credentials to converse with the people that he is calling me to in this next season. He has been providing me with the tools and resources each step of the way.
I’m excited for this degree and this next season. Again, he helped me to conquer fears. He helps me to conquer them every day. He helps to grow my faith every day. He has not let me down yet.
I only have 7 more history classes for this master’s degree and I’m confident that this is the next step in this continual journey of life. May you all trust the Lord and his direction, whether it makes sense to you in the moment or not.