I’ve been feeling like I’ve been written off and like I don’t make a difference. I feel like what I am doing is not having the impact that it should. I feel as though it doesn’t matter. I feel as though it never will. That’s what has been causing me this anxiety and heartache. I’m feeling as though I am not good enough and like I don’t matter. Like no one wants to hear what I have to say or see what I can do. And it’s been written all over my face. The people at work can see it.
I don’t do a good job hiding when I’m going through. I wish I could. I wish really wish that I did. The funny thing is that there is someone else I know who thinks that they are good at hiding it and they aren’t. I think I can hide behind a fake smile. But only for so long. Then it all comes pouring out of me. I’m tired of faking it and functioning as though I am okay. The problem is that I have been trying to do this on my own. I keep saying woe is me and nobody likes me but the Lord at exactly the right times has sent someone to me. Or he has made his presence known in some mind blowing way.
Though I may not see that I am making a difference, I know that the Lord has put me and has put you in the situation that you are in for a reason. It may just be for a short season or it could be for a long season but he has you there for a purpose. And while he is probably trying to teach you something, he is also probably using you too. You may never get to see how and that’s okay because the glory is all his. If he has given you another day, you have the opportunity to make a difference. I’m realizing that I type this up. I was seriously in such a negative space. Writing things out helps to put things in perspective. Going back and seeing what you write also helps you to regain perspective and see what the Lord promised you. You will see what he brought you from.
He can’t break his promises. So though it may not look how you thought it would. Trust him. He is always in control and his timing is always great and perfect.
Thanks for reading through my roller coaster of emotions this evening. I hope that it helps someone who reads it. Have a wonderful night!