Ending a Chapter

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christian, christianity, growing, growth, inspiration, inspired, life, living, love

Have you ever realized that one chapter in your life is getting ready to end and another one is about to begin? That’s where I am at right now and I’m not entirely sure what that means or what that looks like. We talked about it in church this morning. The season of transition is over and it’s time to start new. But what does that mean and how will it look?

I really wish that I had all the answers sometimes. I wish I knew what to expect and what the answer is to the decisions that I have to make. And yet I don’t wish that I had the answers. I think it would be more terrifying sometimes if we did have the answers. Doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t mind a sneak preview sometimes. Maybe just a hint. Something to give me a clue. Sometimes we get it. Sometimes we don’t.

But that’s the whole point of faith right? We have to trust that the Lord really does have our best interest at heart, no matter what it may look like.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited. Terrified beyond belief but excited. I know it’s been a long time coming and I’m sure it would’ve arrived sooner, had I been obedient. But I get scared. I shut down and settle for the comfort of just staying in my house and doing the familiar. However, I know that I want more than familiar and I want more than settling. I want adventure. I want to see new things, experience new places, meet new people.

But what does that look like? It could be anything. I have to be ready for anything and trust that it’s the way I’m supposed to go. I have to trust that the Lord is opening up the right doors for me and that I am following him. It’s so simple and yet so complicated. I have let distractions get in the way before. I’ve said previously that I won’t let them get in the way and yet they do. Why am I expecting this time to be different? Because I am different.

I am different, as I have grown. I went through heart break and being let down by people who were the closest to me and survived. I have survived restructuring at work and come out on the other side. I have lost friends and people I care about along the way. Yet the Lord has always provided and taken care of me. This time won’t be any different. It just might not look how I thought or expected and that’s alright.

I am sad that this chapter is ending, as it has been one of much growth and learning. At the same token, I am excited for what this next chapter holds, as I know the Lord is getting ready to blow my mind like never before.

Shalom!

~Lynn

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My Heart Awoken

Tags

creative, crush, crushing, emotions, feelings, love, poems, poetry

Woken up from this sleep that I have been in

Unsure of how this happened

Mesmerized by this passion

Walking around with my head in the clouds

Happy and truly smiling

At times for no reason

Knowing that really it’s because of you

And yet you have no idea

This influence that you have

Out of nowhere

Rather unexpectedly

You came to be

Nothing like what I thought

Not what I had pictured

And not what I had been looking for

And yet

It’s making perfect sense

This slump I had been in is ending

In part because of your presence

Feeling like a school girl

Telling my girlfriend that I have a crush

Not sure how I feel about it

I haven’t felt this way in quite some time

Unsure that I would have butterflies again

Now I hope you’ll walk by

Trying to catch a glance of you throughout the day

Look to strike up a conversation

When did this happen?

Where did this come from?

How long will this last?

Everyday hoping that something will happen

Wondering when the time could be

Trying to figure out if I am imagining

Hoping he may feel the same way

Maybe he will

One day

 

Where You Ought to Be

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encouragement, experience, life, living, love, self-worth, single, singleness, worth

It’s a question that many of us ask ourselves, “Is this where I thought I’d be?”.

If I’m truthful in my response, it’s a resounding, “Heck, no!”.

When I was younger and starting college, as with many people my age, I had a 5-10 year plan. That’s what they taught us to have right? We were supposed to be planning for our future. Get a degree, find a husband, start a career, and start a family. Settle in for at least the next 50 years of your life. If you didn’t follow that plan, you weren’t going to amount to anything.

Well, some may say then that I have amounted to nothing. I did finish my undergraduate degree but didn’t start a career. I waited tables for almost 2 years instead and then took a job in a call center. I needed steady income, health care, and didn’t want to move home. I was terrified to start my career. In that job though, I have earned a Master’s degree and moved up within the department. I’m about to start a post-graduate degree too.

I haven’t found a husband, yet and don’t have any children. I did fall in love though and I’m finding it hard to let myself feel that way again, since it didn’t work out how I had thought. I have my own apartment now with my two cats and manage to pay my own bills every month. I have the freedom to make plans and do what I want when I want. (This is something that I know my friends with families say they long for.)

I have a good job and have a great house. I really am truly blessed by everything that I have and all that I have done. It’s definitely not where I thought I would be at this age. This year hasn’t gone how I thought it would go. Part of that has to do with the fact that I put walls up and became very introverted, which is not who I am by nature. I’m slowly coming back out of that shell.

I’m about to have another birthday and I don’t want this year to be the same. I don’t want to settle into a routine of going to work and coming home, being exhausted from the long day I had. I want to go out and do things with people. I want to make a difference in my community. I want to invest in people’s lives and not just sulk away, sad that I am not where I thought that I would be. I am blessed beyond measure and have so much more than I could ever imagine. No, not everything is perfect all the time but I have all that I need with the Lord. He has been with me and provided for me each and every step of the way. I have lacked for nothing.

Is there where I thought I would be? No, it’s certainly is not. At the same time though, I wouldn’t change the path that I have been on. It has taught me so much and I have experienced so much. I have much more to learn and I believe much more to share. We all do. We don’t have to go on some pre-prescribed path that someone else has laid out for us. We can forge our own path and learn along the way. There is nothing that says that I have to be married and have a family by a certain age. There is nothing that says that I am any less of a person because I am not married. I am my own person and I am loved and valued as I am. You are loved and valued for who you are. Figure out the direction that you want to go and run as hard and fast in that direction as you can. Don’t let anyone drag you down or tell you that you should be at a different point in your life than you are. You know you and where you are is where you are supposed to be.

Shalom!

~Lynn