Today was one of those days where I didn’t want to come home. It would mean I would come home to an empty place and space. No one is here to share my day with, have a glass of wine with, or just sit with. While I have truly enjoyed having my own space to grow and stretch my wings or honestly escape to at times, I truly hate coming home to an empty house. It means sometimes I get in my own thoughts and feelings and go down a dark rabbit trail, as I am sure happens for many of us. While it’s for sure necessary sometimes and helps us to better ourselves, it can also be problematic to think and dwell on things for too long. I also don’t know how to not work all the time so it’s tough for me to come home and not work.
I also just love to be around people. I like to be surrounded by people (most of the time). While there are times that everyone needs to themselves, I would rather be with someone than alone. In larger groups I like to take it all it all and hear what others have to say. In smaller groups I like and want real conversation and connection. I want to know people, what they are doing and where they are going in life. I have a passion for loving people.
I’ve repeatedly been asked what I want to do over the last month or so. I always pause for a moment, at times struggling with what I do want to do next. I love what I do now and love the people that I work with. Stressful as work may be at times for anyone, I love my job. I get to help people and work with people. That’s what I want to do. I want to help people, whatever that may look like.
In order to do that, there are times where I probably do need to be by myself, where we all do really, no matter what the job is that we have. However, I hate it. I know it’s necessary and I will crave it eventually. There are times where I do but not today. Today I want to be around people. I want to be doing things and experiencing things.
But the Lord showed up in a way that only he can. And the tears started to flow.
People may think that I am an introvert because I am not always saying something. Most of the time I am taking the moments in and enjoying the fact that I get to learn about someone else. We don’t always take time to hear someone else out because what we think we have to say is much more important. And I have my moments where I feel that too but I love to hear other people tell their stories. They’re truly interesting and I usually find something that I can learn from them. I want to know how people think and what brought them to the conclusions that they are expressing.
Tonight was a tough night to come home to an empty house. But it was a necessary one. The Lord reminded me to come expectantly before him. Isaiah 65:24 And a question that I wrote down earlier this year and happened to stumble upon again:
What are you talking yourself out of that God is trying to bring you into?
Some nights coming home to an empty place and space are necessary for the growth and stretching to continue to happen. Thankful he gave me a change of perspective.
I hope this encourages you if you are feeling like you are on your own in an empty place and space.