Scared I’ll Succeed


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While it’s been several months since I have been on here, the words and thoughts have still been transpiring. I just haven’t expressed them in this forum. I’ve realized that I have been missing out by not posting things on here.

What I have realized is not only do I have a fear of failing but I have a fear of succeeding. I am terrified that I just may be good at something and that I just may make a difference. While I get excited about new things and going after my dreams, there is something that holds me back. Sometimes it’s the fear that I will be great at it and that God will use me in a bigger way than anticipated. Honestly, that’s me limiting the Lord and what he can and will do.

It means letting people in and going after my dreams. It means sharing with others and pushing myself out of my comfort zone. So what happens when I get stuck here? The Lord pushes me out. He forces me out of my comfort zone and reminds me of my dreams and my passions. He reminds me not to get stuck where I am at and shows me that he has equipped me with the tools for this change and transition.

He also reminds me that he does not always call the qualified but instead qualifies those whom he calls. I just need to keep my eyes on him. It is so unclear and muddy right now. It’s tough to see 6 inches in front my face or even just past the moment that is in front of me right now but praise the Lord that he is in control and he has plan for this.

I don’t know where you are at or what the Lord is calling you to do. What I do know is that you and I are not alone in whatever it is. He will provide and he already has it figured out. Don’t settle for less than God’s best for you. Don’t be scared to succeed. It’s a beautiful thing to succeed. And don’t quit when you fail.

Love you all!



Consider the Drop Box


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I took some time to watch a more positive and uplifting documentary. This one is about a Pastor in South Korea who has taken in several children and raised them as his own, when their birth parents were unable or unwilling to spend the time and money that was required to raise these children with special needs.

The name of the documentary is called The Drop Box.

Image result for the drop box movie

Pastor Lee saw a meaning and purpose in the lives of these children, after he and his wife had a son that was born with special needs. At first he said that he questioned this but then he saw purpose in his son. He saw purpose in his life and how it changed his own view of the world. He knew that he needed to do something about all the children that were abandoned in his town and country. He wanted to save these children.

At the time that the film was made, he said that 354 children had been put into the drop box that he created. Apparently there is a great deal of controversy surrounding these drop boxes. He isn’t the only one who has created something similar. Some people claim that it actually promotes people abandoning their children. I don’t personally think that this is the case. In the United States there are safe haven laws and the ability of women to leave their infants at hospitals or fire stations without retribution or punishment.

This man saw a problem in his country and decided to do something to fix it. He recognized the significance and value in these children’s lives. At the time this documentary was created, he had 15 children that he was raising. He loves these children as though they are his own blood children. He spends the time and money to take care of these kids and ensure that they have a happy life.

While many people, including this pastor, think that they can’t raise a child with special needs, you can do it. Many people do it every day. It will require extra sacrifice but the Lord can provide. The Lord changed Pastor Lee’s mind and heart, allowing him the passion and ability to care for so many children with special needs.

I encourage you, if you can take a moment and give a donation to this beautiful mission. He is loving those who are unloved and overlooked. He is demonstrating Christ’s love, mercy, and compassion on these children. Through this, one of his son’s that he has taken in said that he wants to continue his father’s work and then in turn pass it down to his children. While you may not have the ability to personally take in a child, please do consider helping to fund this ministry so that he may continue to do a mighty work in the lies of these children and in his country.

Here is the link to the website:  The Drop Box donations



Students Speak Up


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Going back to my post on documentaries that I have been watching, I have a couple more that I want to recommend and briefly discuss. They challenged my thought process as I watched them. (Both are on Netflix.) And both have made me want to open my mouth and speak up. As I saw what these high school school students have done and then what the college students did. While both have challenged me to continue to stand up for what is right and have inspired me, they also scared me. You think such things won’t happen to you but the can.

1. Audrie and Daisy

This one chronicles two high school students who were sexually assaulted by their peers and then bullied by their communities. High school was a tough time for me personally, as I am sure that it is for many people. All you really want to do is fit in. And even these girls who seemed like they did fit in dealt with the same fears and thoughts that I did. Some of these same fears I have learned do not go away even as you get older, though I thought that they would.

The power that these other kids had over these girls, through social media was terrifying. But the same torment happens even as adults. We see it on Twitter and Facebook all the time now when you disagree with someone over their political views or anything that someone else is passionate about.

The further sad part is that the one girl was pushed to the point of suicide because of how she was treated. This is a feeling that I am familiar with and honestly, probably something that many people are familiar with. It’s tough to be criticized and called names and accused of false things. It was encouraging to see how Daisy was able to overcome things and see how she and some other girls came together to support and encourage one another. This film was a reminder of the importance of loving one another and realizing that we are not alone with what we go through. There are others who have walked through similar situations.

2. The Hunting Ground

Image result for the hunting ground documentary

I remember seeing in the news a couple years ago the fact that colleges and universities seemed to be discouraging students to report sexual assault and those who did seemed to receive little help and support. In all honesty, my college that I attended tried to say that crimes in general didn’t happen on our campus, when we all knew that things did. It was an open campus, as many are. You can’t say that things don’t happen. While I understand that it’s not good publicity to say that rapes and crimes happen on campuses, it’s unrealistic to believe and try and convince your student body that they do not happen.

It was scary and sad to see what these girls discovered about their campuses, as they started their pursuit of working with the Department of Education. I was very encouraged and impressed that they did not give up when so many discouraged them. I was glad to see that others then came alongside them and that the Department of Education did determine to look into their claim.

It definitely challenged me to think on both sides of the situation. While I cannot imagine the pressure that the athletes face, that does not ever give them the right to take advantage of someone else. In no way can I understand that thought process. I am personally grateful that I have not experienced sexual assault like those in the film and cannot imagine what it must have been like to receive no support from those who were suppose to be there for you. I hope that there is a change that takes place and sticks to ensure that people do not have to fear reporting such incidents to police.

Have any of you watched these documentaries or seen any other good ones that have challenged you and made you think?



Truthful Social Media


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What if we really posted the truth on our social media? What if we didn’t just try to put up the good things or the exciting things in life. I am particularly talking about Instagram and Facebook. I realize that blogs can be a bit more truthful. (Take some time and go back through my old posts.) I think we are vulnerable and open when it comes to those that we can’t see and don’t know. So generally on Facebook, Instagram, and even Twitter, we are following people that we know and see on a regular basis. So we only want to show the good things that are happening or share if there is a testimony or request prayer in the most trying of times.

What if we posted about the mundane and most boring of things that we all do in our daily lives? We could be posting our daily chores and tasks that we do. Now if we do exciting things as part of our profession, we sometimes show those things. Maybe you play music or sing. Possibly you preach or speak and others will post pictures of you.

But we don’t post pictures of our laundry or the ironing that we are doing. We don’t post pictures of vacuuming or the tears that are streaming down our face every night as we battle the same hurts and fears that we have been fighting for years.  Or we could post pictures of the dishes piled high in the sink or the dust that collects on our bookshelves. I could show you the pile of cat food that my cat has spilled out of his bowl or the crumbs on the counter and floor. But I guess that isn’t exciting or interesting to anyone. We don’t even want to look at it ourselves.

Now thankfully I have spent the past few days cleaning my apartment so I wouldn’t be nearly as embarassed as I would’ve been to take the simple pictures of my bedroom or living room. (Clearly my kitchen still needs some work!) But of course even when we do take pictures of our places, we take multiple pictures to get the right angle and then we select the right filter to get the right shading. We don’t use the first picture that we took and then we strategically position things so that it looks the best.

We have to portray a certain image for everyone to see. We have to appear a certain way. There is no way that we are going to not get the most likes compared to our neighbors. It’s a competition all the time to see who can get the most likes and tell the most about our lives without actually telling the most about our lives. Truthfully, we are only showing part of the picture because we are too scared to truly let someone in. They may not actually like us or they may realize that we do actually live a very simple and boring life.

Could it be that we really do like to just sit at home at night and watch a documentary or read a book? Maybe we don’t feel like we have to go out every night and be friends with every person. It can be fun to just stay in and play board games or work on our blog.  While I fully support going out and living life, because there is more than the four walls that you live in, I wish that we didn’t try to then portray a fake life sometimes. I wish we didn’t try to compare ourselves to others and forget that they have probably done the same thing that we did to get that perfect picture to depict what was actually a mediocre moment.

I know that I will continue to do it, so will you, and millions of other people because that is the nature of our society. I just think it would be interesting to show what life is really like for us for a day. Maybe I will do that for my next post! I’ll take pictures of my day with no filters, that were the first shot. I know it won’t win me an award because I’m not a fancy photography and I don’t have a fancy camera but as I write this, I have intrigued myself with this idea. Even if no one else does, I will enjoy the process of it.

It’s kind of nice leading a simple life sometimes. I’m going to miss the nights where I have been able to sit in the quiet of my apartment. Because life will get busy and things will change. These are just my thoughts on this topic…



Documentaries that are Worth Your Time


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If you are like me and want to watch documentaries about things that really happened and are relevant, I encourage you to check out a few that I have watched recently on Netflix.

13th – It is a must see and will make you think about a lot. It will make you realize that things really do need to change here and that we have not made as much progress as we claim.

The Imposter – This one is mind blowing and does make you wonder if there was something more to the story, like the private investigator was digging for.

Dear Zachary – This one is a tear jerker and quite emotional. It is very well done and extremely powerful.

Matt Shepard is a Friend of Mine – I remember hearing about the murder of Matthew Shepard. It still breaks my heart that he was killed due to his sexual orientation. This too is a reminder of how far we still have to go.

Amanda Knox – The story of the trial and ultimate acquittal of Amanda Knox in the murder of her roommate. It makes you think about trials in other countries and the judicial systems there versus those in the United States.

I’ll be watching a few more over the next few days as I begin work on my book. I’m sure I will have more recommendations for you. If you have any for me, please let me know!  I have a long list to watch but I want more.





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Why do we seem to only be inspired in the midst of heartache or love? Why does someone else have to inspire us? Why can’t we be inspired by ourselves? Or by the Lord? I know this can be an over generalization. But seriously…why does it seem like most music and poetry is inspired by these extremes? Why can’t our friends and family inspire us? Why can’t we write and take take pictures of things that make us happy outside of another person. It just seems like we put so much emphasis on other people in this. We lose us and who we are. We are our own person without someone else. Are we blessed when we find someone who does inspire and encourage us? Of course! And if love inspires you that is wonderful. Love and heartache bring me to writing and creating all the time. But you can be inspired and do great even on our own. 

Trust me when I tell you that you are magnificent on your own. God loves you as you. He created you as you and nobody else. He has great things for you as you! Be inspired by that! He will use you as you. Just a quick thought I had to mention! 🙂

Be inspired! Don’t limit what inspires you!


Another Pumpkin Creation


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Because I couldn’t help myself…I got to creating again! Two girls at work have put them up in their cubicles too! I’m about to make another set! 

They are the easiest things to make! All you need is:

  • Orange yarn
  • Green pipe cleaners
  • Twine or string
  • Two paper towel or toilet paper rolls

You just wrap the orange yarn around the paper towel or toilet paper rolls, many times over. Gently pull it off the rolls. You’ll cut another piece of string and wrap it in the middle of that bundle of yarn. Cut a piece of the green pipe cleaner. Slip it through the single piece of yarn. That’s the stem of the pumpkin. Fold it on the twine. You can put as many pumpkins on the string as you want and space it out as much as you want. If you’ve made yarn Pom Poms, it’s the same concept. Just don’t cut the folded yarn.

It’s a super cheap and cute extra fall decoration. Plus if you’ve made the candy corn decorations you can use the orange yarn from that 🙂

Hope you enjoy!


Don’t Lose who YOU are


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It’s not necessary for you to become someone that you are not for someone. Don’t ever feel like you have to be someone other than yourself. If they don’t accept you for you then they aren’t worth being close to. Don’t expect someone else to change for you either. You can’t force it either way. Why we think it needs to happen is beyond me. Accept who you are. Accept who others are. You don’t have to change yourself or try to be someone else. Be you and be the best you that you can be. 

Simple Fall Adventures


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It’s necessary to do some silly things and be a kid sometimes. Spent some time at a corn maze, shooting pumpkins and corn from a cannon, seeing animals, and going on a hay ride. It really is the simple things sometimes. Though I don’t take this for granted. I know I am blessed to do the things that I do. I am truly blessed more than I realize. And yet I often squander it away and get caught in my feelings. Learning to not let other people affect how I live life. Happy fall!