I have spent most of the weekend sitting outside soaking up the sun and slowing down. My life has been feeling more and more like a rat race again. Some of it I do to myself. I don’t always know how to slow down and I’m a workaholic. However, I consciously made a choice these last two days to stop and it has been fantastic. Being outside is one of my favorite things. While the beach or the pool is where I would prefer to be, I’ll take my back patio because well it’s more cost effective. I’m trying to do this whole being wise with my money thing. It’s a slow going process but I’ve realized that I don’t need to spend money every weekend and I have a great back patio….lizards and all.
On to what I really wanted to talk about today. So while I mentioned that in some ways life has been feeling like a rat race, I know that I am not reaching my full potential. I still doubt myself and what I can do. Why do we do that as women especially. I know that the Lord has blessed me with gifts and talents, yet I daily doubt myself and don’t put them into use. I let the rat race of life get in the way.
I make excuses of being too busy with other things to really take that giant step of faith and go after some big things. I settle with what I have because it’s good. It’s really good. I have a good life. But what if I could have a great life. What if I could be the one who took that giant step of faith that the Lord uses for other people and for his glory? What if I stopped doubting the abilities that I have and put them to use? I constantly talk myself out of things because I hear all the voices of other people in my head saying that someone else is already doing it or there is someone else who can do it better. And maybe those things are true but what if I can bring a different perspective or add to the cause? What if the Lord can use me to impact someone else? Am I not being selfish by not taking the step and speaking up?
This isn’t to say that I feel like my whole life needs to be out there for everyone to know. But I do think that there is more to things than just a 9-5 job. The problem is that I have been burned a few times trying to figure out what that more is. Friends have hurt me, spiritual mentors have let me down, family hasn’t believed in me, and I’ve doubted myself. Yet I can’t shake there is more to this. I am tired of letting the doubts win and not taking a chance to do more and make a difference. While I don’t doubt that the Lord has used me where I am at, I have doubted what he can do and settled for less than my full potential because I know that I will be hurt more and let down again. And well I am sure that I will do the same to others.
It’s easier to shut down and settle in. It’s safer to not take a chance. It’s easier to not put everything on the table. But what is life without taking a chance? You never know what could happen. There is no other person like me. Just like there is no other person like you. Why do we let other people talk us out of being great? Why do we talk ourselves out of being great? What do you need to take a chance on?
Me I want to take the chance on my writing. I want to take a chance on teaching. I want to take a chance on getting out of a small town and living in a big city. It’s time for great things and not just good things.